Dear Rev. Know-it-all;

I have suffered from depression my whole life. I have thought of suicide many times. My kids keep me here. If it was not for them I would not be here. Why does the Catholic religion so look down on suicide?  Why have I been taught that it will only lead me to hell? Now that I am older I do not believe that at all. God is supposed to be all love. I do not believe that he would condemn you to hell for being depressed.

A Sad Friend

Dear Friend,

I am usually a little “tongue in cheek” in my responses, but there is nothing humorous about your question and I think it is a very important one. My impression is that depression is on the rise because of the alienation common in our world. Who knows the causes of depression?  I suppose in part they are physical/chemical, but worsened by the collapse of support networks that we used to take for granted. Let me say this at the beginning, especially for those who have lost a loved one to this most horrible consequence of some cases of depression. God is merciful! I cannot believe that God would condemn someone to eternal misery if they were unable to resist the chemical imbalances that seem to play so great a part in depression and suicide.

So why does the Catholic Church “so look down on suicide?” Let me reverse the question. Why does the world so look down on suffering?  Perhaps that seems absurd. Suffering is a bad thing, isn’t it? Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. We Catholics believe in something called redemptive suffering. That’s why there is a crucifix prominently placed in most Catholic churches. To suffer for love is noble and beautiful, that is if it is true love, sacrificial love, as Jesus defines it.

We Catholics are opposed to suicide in most cases because we are a sacrificial religion. Most cultures and even many forms of modern Christianity don’t really believe in sacrifice, whereas the Catholic life revolves around the sacrifice of the Mass in which we unite our sufferings to those of Christ on the cross. You say correctly that God is all love. St. John of the Cross once said, that in the end, we will be questioned about love. Happiness is not this life’s main goal, though there is nothing wrong with a little happiness, and the Bible is positively joyful about joy! Still, love is the target of our life, love that suffers all things, as St. Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians.

You exist as a gift. (John 17:24) You are God the Father’s gift to Jesus, and in turn you are Jesus' gift to the world. You may not feel much like a gift, but you are one. In the midst of your suffering, who knows what lives you may touch. You aren’t here for yourself alone. Perhaps you are called to a sort of heroic kindness. Whereas for others life comes easy, for you all of life is a sacrifice, and who knows for what purpose God may yet use you? He will take you when you are done. It would be tragic to leave before your purpose was fulfilled even if you don’t believe you have a purpose. The God of Love has a purpose and your sorrows may well be for the sake of a love that you don’t understand at this point.

As for hell, please read the catechism, paragraphs 2280-2283. There you will read the reason that suicide is so grave and that there are circumstances which may mitigate its gravity. Still, all I can tell you is that I in my work I have met quite few people who have died and lived to talk about it. You know, the light and the tunnel and all that sort of thing. It’s neither good science nor good theology, but it still is interesting. People whom I’ve met who have been there and back during an operation or heart attack or some such say that time seems to stop. We “are what we are,” to paraphrase God’s words to Moses. Some of those I have met who have tried to take their own lives say that they find themselves caught in that moment of misery. That alone would make me hesitant to try it. Life is very short as it is, though when you are depressed it seems long. I would not want to risk getting myself stuck in the worst moment of my life. Perhaps I am wrong about this, but why risk it? Death will come for us eventually without our helping it along.

I have no doubt that what you say is true, that God is all love, but still, freedom is the condition for real love. God longs for the salvation of all, but He has given us an amazing freedom to choose or reject life. God is desperate to save humanity. That is why Jesus hung powerless from the cross. We are free to reject the sorrow of the cross, or we are free to unite our sorrows to His. A prayer that means a great deal to me is the morning offering. “O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer you my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.....” If all you have to offer Him is your sorrow, then offer it. That is love and, as you have said, God is all love.

Just a postscript. Please, please, get medical help if you have not done so already. They can do amazing things these days. Perhaps you are thinking, if suffering can be good, why would you tell me to go the doctor to relieve my sufferings? Because the Bible says in the book of Sirach (Ecclesiasticus), “When you are ill, pay your vows to the Lord and do as your doctor tells you.”  (Eccl 38:11-12) God knows what we can bear and if He gives us another’s help, we should take it.  You will be in my prayers.

 Rev. Know-it-all